BFP!

I got my first ever BFP this morning!!!!!!  It looked so good.  =)  We are both really excited.  I had really bad cramps last night, and was worried about my period coming.  Each trip to the bathroom was dramatic, lol.  This morning I woke up and temped, and saw my temp went down.  I checked my chart, and it wasn't below my cover line.  *Sigh of relief.*  Matt was going to teach Sunday school, and then come back home, and we were going to have brunch.  I really wanted to wait to test, since he was leaving soon.  But, my bladder didn't want to cooperate, so I got up and tested.  I got a faint line on my internet cheapie, so I pulled out my digital and tested.  I saw the + sign and was ecstatic.   I peeked my head out and said give me a few minutes.  I pulled out the gator onesie and bib, and the dog shirts.  They say I'm going to be a big bro/sis.  I put the digital in between them.  I opened the door, and called for him.  I didn't want my face to give it away.  I told him he had a present, and to turn around.  He found the stuff and gave me a confused look.  (He knew about the dog shirts, since that is how we're announcing to the parents).  When he saw the digital, he turned around and asked "really??" He asked this like 5 times.  I replied with yes, and showed him the other positive test.  I then had to show him the gator onesie, since he didn't even notice it.  This is when I burst into tears and we hugged.  (They were big happy tears).  I then told him how we have to be cautiously optimistic, but we're pregnant!  We've decided to refer to our little guy/girl as "Little Gator."

This friend can suck it!

I hate when plans change.  Amber and I had made plans to go to Big Johns at 7 tonight.  I was only going to hang out a little while, then come home to spend time with Matt.  At 6:20, she texts me asking if we can make it later.  Like 9-10 ish.  Thad was suddenly able to come, and she wanted to cater around him.  Also Whitley and Casey were going to be able to come too.  I said I couldn't, and she didn't seem to care.  So I was a bit snarky back.  It was well deserved, and I hate that she changed plans and didn't seem to care. 

Negative

I tested this morning and got another negative.  I'm not sure what to be thinking.  It's also really hard to get the cup and test when Matt is in the room.  It's frustrating, but I'm sure I'm not the only one to feel this way.  Good timing, good signs and yet, negative tests.  I think my chart looks good, so I'm pretty confused.  I keep telling myself it's too early.  But yet, I feel depressed.  

I feel sick

I feel nauseous, and attempted to eat some dinner.  I want to feel better!  I don't know if it's early possible pregnancy symptoms.  (My mind playing tricks on me).  I'm also not sure if it's because of my day.  I went to high school today.  The day went by fine, no kids were hurt or thrown out.  LOL.  I had a smart ass, and a wannabe drop out.  (I should probably say soon-to-be drop out).  The college prep/ honors classes were fantastic.  It was the lower classes that sucked ass.  Props to the teacher for leaving some fantastic lesson plans and directions though.  I decided that I don't want to be in high school.  I just don't feel like myself, because of my lack of experience.  When I got to ASC today, I felt all warm and fuzzy when I saw my little guys.  I think I could handle 6th graders, maybe 7th.  8th, I'm not sure.  But I admit defeat with High school, and I feel like I failed.  Matt says I did a good job, but I don't feel that I did.  When I got home I unchecked every high school, so I wouldn't receive calls from them.  I hope more elementary schools call me next week.  =)

I went to 4th grade today

And it was AWESOME.  Everything went great, the kids and staff liked me.  I was punctual (even after my 8:07 phone call).  Anytime someone peeked their head in, the kids were quiet and on task.  It was great!

Great first day

I had a great first day back at ASC.  My boss was 100% okay with me subbing and letting her know my days.  It felt great to be back.  I walked in and she said "Welcome Home."  I was ecstatic to start the day.  My new coworkers are pretty cool, and there are a ton of kids.  I recognize about half of them, but do not remember names.  I am dead tired though.  I woke up at 4 am!  I wasn't feeling so great, and just stayed up.  My phone rang off the hook from 6-7:30 this morning.  It was good to feel needed, but I felt bad having to say no a bunch of times.  Thankfully it says I won't be available until Wednesday, so my phone won't be ringing much.   

Yay for smilies!

I got a smiley face last night!  I had taken my usual morning test and it was negative.  I left it out a little too long, and there was a darker line.  Because of this I decided to test again in the early afternoon.  There was a dark line, but I wasn't sure if it matched the control line.  After much decision I decided I was going to buy some digis.  Amber and I went to Walmart and got some.  We had been shopping for the evening, so it was on the way home.  I felt weird buying them with her there, but I figured she knows I've been testing every day and that I'm taking Clomid.  She made up a cute song about me possibly ovulating and mixing in baby making.  We got back to the house and she needed to charge her phone.  I went ahead and tested, and then hung out with her.  After a few minutes I went to check my test and saw the smiley!  I had been bracing myself for an empty circle.  I was so excited!  I told her, and showed her.  I also took a pic and posted it after texting it so some peeps.  I'm really hoping this works and that this is it!

My ex- company is DIRTY

Today was the official lay off day.  My coworkers went in and turned in their badges.  They got their severance packages and left.  About 6 hours later, 4 or 5 of them got a phone call to come back..... as temporary workers.  They'd be making less money with no benefits and would start next Thursday.   I get officially laid off Monday, and would not expect a phone call.  But this makes me really mad.  All summer I thought the company was treating us good, with giving 3 months notice.  Letting us have benefits for 3 months post lay off.  Then they do something dirty.  UGH. 

Ode to Itron

My work day has come and gone.  I was counting down the hours until 3:00.  I held it together pretty good, until Alice hugged me goodbye.  (This was before the big goodbye).  I started tearing up a little bit, and Amber called me out.  (Her eyes were just as red).  We all went to clean out our lockers and be briefed about the severance meeting.  We handed in our jackets, ground straps and all Itron belongings.  Then the boss went into a mini speech, saying how we had all grown and how much she loves us.  At the end she told the rest of the department to come say their goodbyes.  That's when the waterworks started.  Some of them knew where my next jobs were.  Others were encouraging and saying, maybe I can get back into teaching.  It lasted about 5 minutes and then we were off.  I cried off and on, on the ride home.  Mainly because I was going to miss everyone.  I will especially miss my 2nd shift peeps.  They became my 2nd family.  I saw them more then I saw Matt last year.  I plan on staying in touch with most of them- the ones I already hung out with.  The rest will be via facebook.  I was so ready to be done with the job.  I've been wanting out since July, but I had to wait it out.  I'm glad that I did, because I have 2 really great jobs lined up.  I am really excited to start my new focus.  I'm ready to move on.  Itron was a great stepping stone.  It made me humble, and it let me learn new things.  I would've never pictured myself working in a factory setting, but I will carry my experience for the rest of my life.  I worked with people from all walks of life.  It didn't matter that I had a college degree, and some of them only had a GED.  We were all equal, and only our dedication and motivation would set us apart.  I'm really glad that I met a lot of these people, because they are locals and will be here for a long time.  Most of the friends I've made in my first few years of living here, have been college students.... and they don't stick around long.  To sum up this long post, thank you Itron for helping me these last 2 years. 

Tomorrow is only a day away......

Everyone's final work day is tomorrow.  The rest of the workers being laid off have their benefits meeting on Friday.  I have mine on Monday, along with one other guy,  it's the make up meeting...  I feel good that I won't be the only one turning in my jacket tomorrow.  My feeling right now is surreal.  I can't believe the day is just about here.  It's insane.  I'm so happy I have 2 jobs lined up, and insurance.  I'm glad this phase of my life is coming to an end, and I'm really excited (a little nervous) to start my next phase!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Today was a pretty painless day at work.  It seemed to go by pretty quickly.  I was kind of hoping to confirm my day off on Friday with HR, but that didn't happen.  I really want to make sure this doesn't mess with my severance.  So when I left work I was alright, just kind of irritated.  When I got home I decided to research renewing my initial certificate.  I have to actually re-apply for it.  It sucks!  I spent a little over 2 hours printing off forms, and filling them out.  Making my fingerprinting appointment, making copies of test scores, etc.  Finally I was able to put everything in my mailbox to be mailed out.  *Whew*  I'm glad I didn't wait to next week to figure everything out.  On a different note, I got an interview invite for a job that I had applied for at the start of summer.  I think it's great that everything is falling into place. 

3 days

Three days is all I have left at Itron.  I went to my boss today to ask if I could use vacation for half a day on Friday, so I could attend my substitute training.  She approved and everything was going well.  Then at lunch I checked my e-mail and they had changed the time of the training from 8-10, to 8-12.  This would mean I would need 6 hours of vacation time.  I went to talk to her again and she told me to just take the whole day as vacation.  I asked if that would mess up my severance, and she said no.  I'm hoping she's right.  I didn't want to talk to human resources about it, so I'm going off of her word.  *Fingers crossed.*  I'm glad the end is coming sooner, and I'm happy to miss the sob day on Friday.

Fall cleaning?

Matt moved back into our bedroom last weekend.  We decided since whatever job I would find, would be on first shift we would try being a normal couple again.  So far it has worked, I think it's because I fall asleep before he does.  So I do not hear him snore anymore.  Since last weekend was more of the "lets move everything back."  This weekend was, "lets organize and clean everything."  I washed the guest bedroom sheets yesterday and made up the guest bed.  I put all of his blankets away in the closet and cleaned the bathroom.  That side of the house looks great, again.  It was weird when he was "living" in that corner of the house, I would condense his messiness to the room.  Now that we're back to sharing everything, my OCD has taken over.  His mess is in our closet.  Someday soon I hope to change that.  But at least he's willing to work with me, and I with him. 

Fall is coming!

I felt it in the air this morning.  More specifically- the temperature was cooler when I was walking the dogs.  I absolutely love fall.  I love the changing colors and the falling leaves.  I love getting to wear cute sweaters and boots!  I hate that my boots have to chill in the closet for months.  I love festivals that go on in our area.  This season reminds me why I love South Carolina.  <3  Fall  <3 

Feeling guilty

I decided to skip church this morning.  The last 2 weeks I was really bored in the hour between breakfast and service.  Since I used to teach Sunday school I Was able to stay occupied.  Last night I wasn't feeling the hour of boredom.  I know I could just go to service, but I wish I was still involved.  I wanted to take a year off from being so busy, but I really miss it.  I didn't want to commit to much, because I didn't know if I'd be working retail on the weekends.  I hope I'm able to sort this (and these feelings) out soon. 

Clomid- infertility

I am really hoping this dose works out this cycle.  Everything is good with Matt, and everything is good with me.  Even if we get a neg. test, I just want to ovulate.  It is so frustrating to have to deal with my body, and have an unexplained diagnosis.  I wish I could just be told what the problem is, and we can fix it.  This pill is making me crazy though.  I hate being emotional and crazy.  I hate the hot flashes.  Thankfully, I'm not having any today.  I hope the worst is over!  I really just want this to work.

Saturdays

I have started loving the calmness of cleaning my house on the weekends.  I love getting up, going to work and then looking around and seeing everything tidy.  I also am loving my quiet time while Matt is out watching his game.  I need to come up with another hobby to fill my time.  I like being by myself,  but I do need to find something to do.  I've done 4 loads of laundry today, and am ready to go crazy!  I've been reading a lot as well, so I should probably get into my new book. 

The layoff is coming!

I've been back on first shift this week.  T-minus 7 work days until our lay off.   I have a part time job lined up, and am excited to get to work with kids again.  BIG update- we decided to start Clomid. The doctor has ruled me as unexplained annovulatory.  I had a clear HSG, and Matt is alright.  So we get to try Clomid.  It had been pushed off until I got a job, but we worked out the pros of the decision.  It's so exciting!!!!!!!  I'm starting off at 50 mg.  I hope good stuff starts happening to us soon.