Reminiscing on the last year

Why do I enjoy being treated like crap?  I think it's because I'd rather have a "friend" treat me like crap and want to hang out, then not have anyone to hang out with.  It's why I go through these phases and want to get rid of people, just to roll back over and accept their behavior again.  I want to kinda start talking to someone again, just because I miss her.  But I know I don't want to go through this crap again.  Every time I've beaten myself up about it, and decide to take the high road, I think of the memories.  I think of all the good times we had, and wonder... do they outweigh the bad?  I'm pretty sure Matt is tired of me bitching, and then wanting to talk to her again.  He probably has no idea what stance to take.  Right now he's at the point, of why bother with that girl?  Why bother?  I'm lonely, that's why.  I want a girl friend to go shopping with, to get my nails done with.  I'm tired of doing these things alone.  Here's hoping for a better year with 2013...