Tuesday, September 13, 2016
Gwendolyn's Story
3 months late is better than never! Gwen's birth was a scheduled c-section. Due to my delivery with Natalia, the doctors saw this as the best option. It was scheduled for 39 weeks and 1 day. We arrived at the hospital at 5:30 Am on June 6th. I actually started having contractions on our way to the hospital. They got timeable and stronger while we were doing the c-section prep. I got wheeled back after 8:30. Matt got suited up and I got my spinal. It didn't hurt as much as I expected! Maybe because I had already had an epidural 3 years ago. I was nice and happy during surgery and very talkative. Probably to calm my nerves. Baby Gwen was born at 9:18 am. I started crying when I heard her cry. I was so excited to meet my newest baby girl. This delivery went much smoother, as did recovery. I am very thankful to have a really good birth experience. =)
Friday, January 10, 2014
January 3rd
One week ago I totaled my car. I just found out two days ago that it was totaled, but that's beside the point. I need to write this to get all of the feelings and details off of my chest.
We were planning on going to Greenville to the Haywood Mall to spend my gift cards. We had spent all morning and into the afternoon cleaning and organizing the house. By 3:00 we were finally getting a move on things to head out. We went to daycare and picked up the little Talia. We needed to go to the Post Office to mail off Matt's parents gifts before heading to Greenville. We stopped in Sandy Springs and I went into the Post Office with my address book. Matt and N stayed in the car. Unfortunately because of the time of day the sun was bothering N, and she kept crying. Matt found the root of the problem and put his sweatshirt over the back of the seat to prevent the sun from hitting her face. I came out with my receipt and was ready to go. I did not like the sweatshirt blocking her mirror, so I requested he take it down. He obliged, and she started crying. We hit the road to get moving so that she would fall asleep. On 76, her mirror fell down. I had a bad feeling and wanted to pull over to that we could put the mirror back up and hit the interstate. We passed Denver Road, and I decided I would pull off by the gas station and fix it. Matt kept insisting we leave it alone. I had been looking for a road/ driveway to pull off on the right side but hadn't seen it. When I was in the turning lane at Interstate Boulevard, I glanced over and saw the driveway that I had been looking for. Worst decision ever. I was already in the middle of the intersection with my left turn signal on, and decided to pull off to the right. I saw the light was turning red, so I figured I was good. I did not see the truck.
Matt did just as the guy crashed into us. Because of the angle of me pulling across the lanes, he ended up T-boning us. I was not sure what was happening. Matt was screaming "Oh My God" and Natalia was crying. As we're being pushed I see that we are about to hit a road sign, so I veer into the bushes. As he is screaming and Natalia is crying I am thinking Oh shit, what did I do. We finally stop, as we hit the bushes. The airbags have gone off at some point, and the Rav 4 had side airbags. Matt kicks open the door, and someone opens my door and helps me out. I am not able to see clearly, because my glasses flew off during impact. We had jumped out because the car was smoking. I run to the passenger door and try to open it, Matt can't open the other side. So I jump back into the car and jump into the back to get Natalia out. She is still screaming/ crying and is so scared. I take her out and hand her to someone as I climb out of the car. Once I am out of the car I take her back into my arms and hold her as I sob. I keep asking if she is okay, since I can't see if she has any visible injuries. At some point I ask Matt if he is okay. Matt has gone back into my car numerous times to look for my glasses. While he is in there he gets my purse, my car information, belongings and the diaper bag. A cop shows up, but is not the one who cites me. She asks what happened and I see that the guy in the truck is okay. At some point I finally get my glasses back. EMS arrives on the scene and starts checking us out. I say I'm fine and am more concerned with the little one. The second I hand her to him she screams. (Good sign). They say that the car seat has to retire, since it has been in a car accident. We deny the opportunity to go to the hospital. EMS checks Matt out and he is okay. Finally I start realizing what is happening and the repercussions of my actions. As we're waiting for the sheriff to come the cop tells me I can sit in her car. I take Natalia and we sit in the warm car. As I sit there I feed her and call/ text Trisha and Jen to see if someone can come pick us up. I didn't want Natalia to not be in a car seat. I call Dad and let him know what had just happened. I call Ques back and let him know I can't tutor. As I sit there I watch Matt and his expressions. I can see how mad and disappointed he is in me. I look at Natalia and see the bruise that the air bag put on her. I sob. And I think how I should be sitting in the back of the car, not the front. Because I am a criminal. Matt takes pictures of my car at some point and shows the damage. I am sad because all of the damage is towards the front. The guy hit his door. Natalia's door was fine, so she suffered no injuries besides the bruise.
After a long period the Sheriff finally arrives. I hand N to Matt and get ready to tell the story. He talks to me first and I take fault for the accident. I explain how I changed lanes and hang my head. He takes my license and information, and we wait. Trisha shows up with her van, and Matt and Natalia get into the warmth. I stand outside with the cop and the guy and wait for the sheriff to finish up. It seems to take a real long time, but I figure it's okay. I don't deserve to be warm. After a long time he comes out and gives us our papers. I find out I will be getting 2 points on my license and an $80 fine. I feel it should be much more. I walk over to the van, and we get ready to go. Trisha makes the decision to drive down to QT to turn around. Fine with me. We finally get home and we get the belongings inside. After Trisha leaves it sets in what has happened. I call Mom and tell her the details. I then call state farm. After I report it, I just sob and hug Natalia. Matt and I go to bed shortly after- stressed, injured and scared.
As I sit here a week later I reflect and try to ease my guilt on what happened. I realized that I need to really take in account how precious life is, and how easily it can be taken away. I realize that I need to make sure I really take the time to look and check all possible blind spots. I need to let go of my OCD tendencies and if something falls, I need to let it be. My mom says I need to slow down and smell the roses- take this as my wake up call. Too bad I wasn't speeding in my accident. (The guy was- I know he wanted to make the light). I need to appreciate the time spent with Matt and Natalia. Accidents happen, that's why they call them accidents. But unfortunately nobody can take away my guilt. I caused us to get into it, and I need to accept it and move on. Hopefully I can pass by the scene soon without averting my eyes and getting upset. And I know now to make safe decisions whether I'm by myself or with my family. <3 Thank you Debbie for encouraging me to write this and get it out.
We were planning on going to Greenville to the Haywood Mall to spend my gift cards. We had spent all morning and into the afternoon cleaning and organizing the house. By 3:00 we were finally getting a move on things to head out. We went to daycare and picked up the little Talia. We needed to go to the Post Office to mail off Matt's parents gifts before heading to Greenville. We stopped in Sandy Springs and I went into the Post Office with my address book. Matt and N stayed in the car. Unfortunately because of the time of day the sun was bothering N, and she kept crying. Matt found the root of the problem and put his sweatshirt over the back of the seat to prevent the sun from hitting her face. I came out with my receipt and was ready to go. I did not like the sweatshirt blocking her mirror, so I requested he take it down. He obliged, and she started crying. We hit the road to get moving so that she would fall asleep. On 76, her mirror fell down. I had a bad feeling and wanted to pull over to that we could put the mirror back up and hit the interstate. We passed Denver Road, and I decided I would pull off by the gas station and fix it. Matt kept insisting we leave it alone. I had been looking for a road/ driveway to pull off on the right side but hadn't seen it. When I was in the turning lane at Interstate Boulevard, I glanced over and saw the driveway that I had been looking for. Worst decision ever. I was already in the middle of the intersection with my left turn signal on, and decided to pull off to the right. I saw the light was turning red, so I figured I was good. I did not see the truck.
Matt did just as the guy crashed into us. Because of the angle of me pulling across the lanes, he ended up T-boning us. I was not sure what was happening. Matt was screaming "Oh My God" and Natalia was crying. As we're being pushed I see that we are about to hit a road sign, so I veer into the bushes. As he is screaming and Natalia is crying I am thinking Oh shit, what did I do. We finally stop, as we hit the bushes. The airbags have gone off at some point, and the Rav 4 had side airbags. Matt kicks open the door, and someone opens my door and helps me out. I am not able to see clearly, because my glasses flew off during impact. We had jumped out because the car was smoking. I run to the passenger door and try to open it, Matt can't open the other side. So I jump back into the car and jump into the back to get Natalia out. She is still screaming/ crying and is so scared. I take her out and hand her to someone as I climb out of the car. Once I am out of the car I take her back into my arms and hold her as I sob. I keep asking if she is okay, since I can't see if she has any visible injuries. At some point I ask Matt if he is okay. Matt has gone back into my car numerous times to look for my glasses. While he is in there he gets my purse, my car information, belongings and the diaper bag. A cop shows up, but is not the one who cites me. She asks what happened and I see that the guy in the truck is okay. At some point I finally get my glasses back. EMS arrives on the scene and starts checking us out. I say I'm fine and am more concerned with the little one. The second I hand her to him she screams. (Good sign). They say that the car seat has to retire, since it has been in a car accident. We deny the opportunity to go to the hospital. EMS checks Matt out and he is okay. Finally I start realizing what is happening and the repercussions of my actions. As we're waiting for the sheriff to come the cop tells me I can sit in her car. I take Natalia and we sit in the warm car. As I sit there I feed her and call/ text Trisha and Jen to see if someone can come pick us up. I didn't want Natalia to not be in a car seat. I call Dad and let him know what had just happened. I call Ques back and let him know I can't tutor. As I sit there I watch Matt and his expressions. I can see how mad and disappointed he is in me. I look at Natalia and see the bruise that the air bag put on her. I sob. And I think how I should be sitting in the back of the car, not the front. Because I am a criminal. Matt takes pictures of my car at some point and shows the damage. I am sad because all of the damage is towards the front. The guy hit his door. Natalia's door was fine, so she suffered no injuries besides the bruise.
After a long period the Sheriff finally arrives. I hand N to Matt and get ready to tell the story. He talks to me first and I take fault for the accident. I explain how I changed lanes and hang my head. He takes my license and information, and we wait. Trisha shows up with her van, and Matt and Natalia get into the warmth. I stand outside with the cop and the guy and wait for the sheriff to finish up. It seems to take a real long time, but I figure it's okay. I don't deserve to be warm. After a long time he comes out and gives us our papers. I find out I will be getting 2 points on my license and an $80 fine. I feel it should be much more. I walk over to the van, and we get ready to go. Trisha makes the decision to drive down to QT to turn around. Fine with me. We finally get home and we get the belongings inside. After Trisha leaves it sets in what has happened. I call Mom and tell her the details. I then call state farm. After I report it, I just sob and hug Natalia. Matt and I go to bed shortly after- stressed, injured and scared.
As I sit here a week later I reflect and try to ease my guilt on what happened. I realized that I need to really take in account how precious life is, and how easily it can be taken away. I realize that I need to make sure I really take the time to look and check all possible blind spots. I need to let go of my OCD tendencies and if something falls, I need to let it be. My mom says I need to slow down and smell the roses- take this as my wake up call. Too bad I wasn't speeding in my accident. (The guy was- I know he wanted to make the light). I need to appreciate the time spent with Matt and Natalia. Accidents happen, that's why they call them accidents. But unfortunately nobody can take away my guilt. I caused us to get into it, and I need to accept it and move on. Hopefully I can pass by the scene soon without averting my eyes and getting upset. And I know now to make safe decisions whether I'm by myself or with my family. <3 Thank you Debbie for encouraging me to write this and get it out.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
2013 Year in review
January-
We found out that little gator was a girl! And we nicknamed her Princess Peach.
February-
We were busy getting ready for baby!
March-
We went to Kanuga.
April-
We hosted Easter lunch at the house and had family come.
May-
My first shower for baby N!
June-
The littlest one was born on June 13th. Welcome Natalia Grace!
July-
Matt's mom came to visit and we celebrated our first holiday with the little one! Matt and I also celebrated 5 years of marriage and little Tebow turned 5.
August-
Natalia started daycare and I went back to work.
September-
I started working at Tri County Tech to get more hours.
October-
We celebrated Natalia's first Halloween!
November-
Natalia Grace was baptized on the 3rd. On November 6th we lost our beloved Bella. We had our first Thanksgiving together. <3
December-
I celebrated my 27th Birthday and we celebrated Natalia's first Christmas. Natalia also met Santa for the first time.
We found out that little gator was a girl! And we nicknamed her Princess Peach.
February-
We were busy getting ready for baby!
March-
We went to Kanuga.
April-
We hosted Easter lunch at the house and had family come.
May-
My first shower for baby N!
June-
The littlest one was born on June 13th. Welcome Natalia Grace!
July-
Matt's mom came to visit and we celebrated our first holiday with the little one! Matt and I also celebrated 5 years of marriage and little Tebow turned 5.
August-
Natalia started daycare and I went back to work.
September-
I started working at Tri County Tech to get more hours.
October-
We celebrated Natalia's first Halloween!
November-
Natalia Grace was baptized on the 3rd. On November 6th we lost our beloved Bella. We had our first Thanksgiving together. <3
December-
I celebrated my 27th Birthday and we celebrated Natalia's first Christmas. Natalia also met Santa for the first time.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Adoption
"When you are growing up and you have an issue with your parents its easy to wonder or think that your biological parents might "understand" you better, its easy to feel disconnected. I know better now as an adult having seen my all the issues my friends have with their biological parents but its different at the time when you are young and looking for understanding of yourself."
This quote was in one of the comments on an adoption article I had been reading. The article was talking about how black babies cost less than mixed or white babies. I didn't like that, but I guess it's true. If Matt and I ever adopted, I would not care what color skin our child had. As for the quote above- I never felt like that. The woman who wrote this is white and had white adoptive parents. I never saw myself different from my parents. Even with my darker skin. Dad from as young as I remember would put his arm next to me and say how we were alike. I always loved that, and I saw Mom and Luke had similar coloring. I always felt like I got my sensitivity from my mom, and my punctuality from my dad. I didn't feel disconnected. I definitely never thought my biological parents might understand me better. I don't remember ever thinking about them. The only time I thought of my bio mom was during pregnancy, and wondering if she had the same feelings I did. I guess everyone has a different upbringing, I just wonder if it's usual for adopted kids to feel the way that original poster felt...
This quote was in one of the comments on an adoption article I had been reading. The article was talking about how black babies cost less than mixed or white babies. I didn't like that, but I guess it's true. If Matt and I ever adopted, I would not care what color skin our child had. As for the quote above- I never felt like that. The woman who wrote this is white and had white adoptive parents. I never saw myself different from my parents. Even with my darker skin. Dad from as young as I remember would put his arm next to me and say how we were alike. I always loved that, and I saw Mom and Luke had similar coloring. I always felt like I got my sensitivity from my mom, and my punctuality from my dad. I didn't feel disconnected. I definitely never thought my biological parents might understand me better. I don't remember ever thinking about them. The only time I thought of my bio mom was during pregnancy, and wondering if she had the same feelings I did. I guess everyone has a different upbringing, I just wonder if it's usual for adopted kids to feel the way that original poster felt...
Monday, June 17, 2013
Natalia's story
Off and on the morning of June 13th I was up with some cramping, but nothing horrendous. And definitely nothing to make me think I was in labor. I had a "gush of liquid" at 7 am, and then had to decide if this was it, and if I needed to call the doc. After showering and putting on a pad, I called the doctor at 8:30, and they told me to be there ASAP. I arrived by 8:45 and was brought back and checked. I was still dilated 1 cm. They took a sample to see if I was indeed leaking my fluid. The PH test showed it was my amniotic fluid. The growth test said it was negative. They then did an ultrasound to check the level. It had been at an 8 on Tuesday, and was now at a 4. I was sent to the hospital. 9:30 is when I left the office, and arrived home
15 minutes later. We were on the road by 10. We arrived by 10:45 and got checked in. 11:15 I was hooked up to the IV since I was Group B positive. They checked to see if I had made progress and I was still at a 1. Sometime between that first check and my next one I started getting a bad case of the shakes. I was so nervous and anxious of the unknown. Around 2, I was checked again and was dilated to 6 cm. I was having some really bad contractions by then so I went ahead and got the Epi. They also started me on Pitocin as that point. Shortly before 4:00 I was checked, and I was up to 9 cm already. I was feeling pretty good, and not shaking as bad. 6:00 I got checked again and was up to 10 cm. Unfortunately there was still a thin layer around her head, so they told me I needed to labor baby down. I upped the dose of the epi, and they gave me some more pain meds to help with the labor. As a result of the drugs that I was given, I got a bad case of having to scratch my chest. 7:45 was go time and the contractions were coming hard and fast. After 35 minutes of intense pushing, Natalia Grace was born. She was 9 pounds 0 ounces, and 21 inches long. I got skin to skin right away, and Matt cut the umbilical cord. I delivered the placenta a few minutes later. Natalia had been crowning the entire time I was pushing, but she could not get out. I don't know if it was the size of my cervix, or her size. But they kept dousing me with liquid and trying to pull her out. Because of this I suffered a 4th degree tear. The doctor was down there for a long time stitching me up. I also lost a lot of blood and was really out of it for the rest of the night. I am happy she is here, but the morning after I felt like I had missed so much. Matt and the nurse were the ones checking on her and feeding/changing her. All they had me do was sleep, and they changed my ice packs. Especially because I kept drifting in and out. Completely random- I passed out on the toilet and they had to wake me up with ammonia. I remember that one moment because I kept telling them all I wanted to do was sleep. All in all, I'm glad I was able to have a vaginal birth. The doctor said I would not be able to have one with our next one, because of this labor.
15 minutes later. We were on the road by 10. We arrived by 10:45 and got checked in. 11:15 I was hooked up to the IV since I was Group B positive. They checked to see if I had made progress and I was still at a 1. Sometime between that first check and my next one I started getting a bad case of the shakes. I was so nervous and anxious of the unknown. Around 2, I was checked again and was dilated to 6 cm. I was having some really bad contractions by then so I went ahead and got the Epi. They also started me on Pitocin as that point. Shortly before 4:00 I was checked, and I was up to 9 cm already. I was feeling pretty good, and not shaking as bad. 6:00 I got checked again and was up to 10 cm. Unfortunately there was still a thin layer around her head, so they told me I needed to labor baby down. I upped the dose of the epi, and they gave me some more pain meds to help with the labor. As a result of the drugs that I was given, I got a bad case of having to scratch my chest. 7:45 was go time and the contractions were coming hard and fast. After 35 minutes of intense pushing, Natalia Grace was born. She was 9 pounds 0 ounces, and 21 inches long. I got skin to skin right away, and Matt cut the umbilical cord. I delivered the placenta a few minutes later. Natalia had been crowning the entire time I was pushing, but she could not get out. I don't know if it was the size of my cervix, or her size. But they kept dousing me with liquid and trying to pull her out. Because of this I suffered a 4th degree tear. The doctor was down there for a long time stitching me up. I also lost a lot of blood and was really out of it for the rest of the night. I am happy she is here, but the morning after I felt like I had missed so much. Matt and the nurse were the ones checking on her and feeding/changing her. All they had me do was sleep, and they changed my ice packs. Especially because I kept drifting in and out. Completely random- I passed out on the toilet and they had to wake me up with ammonia. I remember that one moment because I kept telling them all I wanted to do was sleep. All in all, I'm glad I was able to have a vaginal birth. The doctor said I would not be able to have one with our next one, because of this labor.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Frustrated
I want this baby out, and I'm very frustrated. I can't help but be emotional, since I am pregnant. But it's the type-a personality in me that's making me flip out. I know she has to come on her own time, and she's proving it. I just wish she could send me a mental sign or something before the physical signs. ERGH!
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Reflecting
Looking back on the last year, makes me realize how many things have changed. Last year at this time I was admitting to myself that it might not be as easy as I thought to get pregnant. That I might have to be one to start "charting." I was still working at Itron and didn't plan on leaving any time soon. I was also out drinking a lot. I was having fun and enjoying my friends. This year I'm almost 6 months pregnant. We're working on our house and fixing it for baby. I'm subbing and working at ASC. I am making new friends and staying busy with work and baby stuff. I can't wait to see where I'm at next year with a 8 month old. =)
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